마지막 The Last - Agust D (Min Yoongi/Suga)

So, here I want to share a song with y'all. It's a song by Agust D, also well known as Suga or Min Yoongi. He's a former member of a Korean boygroup, BTS.

In August 2016, he released a mixtape with a name 'Agust D', he used his own name 'Suga' and reversed it so it became "Agus", "..t D" he reversed it too from "D-Town" which was his last rap group with his friends back when he was still live in Daegu.

In his mixtape, there's 10 songs;

1. Intro; Dt sugA (Ft. DJ Friz)

2. Agust D

3. Give It To Me

4. Skit

5. 치리사일사팔 (724148)

6.140503 새벽에 (140503 At Dawn)

7. 마지막 (The Last)

8. Tony Montana (Ft. Yankie)

9. Interlude; Dream; Reality

10. So Far Away (Ft. Suran) - there's another featuring version with Jeon Jungkook and Kim Seokjin.

Honestly, the first song I heard is Agust D and So Far Away. Then, The Last.

The first time I heard The Last is with the lyrics video on youtube, I'll put it here.

So I heard it while I read the lyrics.

And guess what?

I was fucking shocked. And almost, note this, ALMOST crying.

You know there's a moment you just stay still because of something? Exactly what I felt.

Suddenly I felt goosebumps and afraid, the lyrics tells me something I never realized about myself.

Let me explain by put the lyrics here okay? I got it from: https://genius.com/Agust-d-the-last-lyrics

I will ONLY put the English translations of this song, if you want to see the hangeul or the romanization version, go to the link I gave you before.

마지막 (The Last)

[Verse 1]

On the other side of the famous idol rapper
Stands my weak self, it’s a bit dangerous
Depression, OCD
They keep coming back again from time to time
Hell no perhaps that might be my true self
Damn huh feeling estranged in reality
The conflict with ideal, my head hurts
Around the age of 18, I developed social anxiety
Right, that was when my mind was gradually polluted

Okay, but can you imagine when you're listening to a song, these are the first things you heard.

This guy was 18 years old and had a social anxiety. I couldn't imagine how he's living his life? And on the other sides he needs to be an idol.

And the price he must paid for his success. His younger days.

"...gradually poluted" huh.

[Verse 2]
At times I’m scared of myself too
Thanks to the depression that takes over me
And all my self hatred
Min Yoongi is dead already (I killed him)
Comparing my dead passion with others
It’s now a part of my daily life

"At times I'm scared of myself too"

Remember when I said the song tells me something I never realized about myself? This is it!

Sometimes I had this feeling of not wanting to step ahead, I want to stay and stuck. The feeling of if I make another steps ahead my life would end immediately. It's like I don't even know who I am or what I want.

Thanks to Yoongi, I know now that feeling is when I'm so scared of myself. I'm afraid I would destruct everything.

"And all my self hatred"

And sometimes I hate myself too.

"It's now a part of my daily life"

Yes. I couldn't say it's not.

[Verse 3]
On the first visit to psychiatric ward
My parents came up with me
We listened to the consultation together
My parents said they don’t truly understand me
I don’t understand myself well either
Then who would understand?
Friends? Or you? Nobody knows me well

Psychiatric.

When I was younger, I wanted to go to psychiatric too. Even now, when I understand better about a psychiatric and psychologist, I still want to meet a psychologist. And I am currently a psychology students. You wanna know why?

"My parents said they don't truly understand me. I don't understand myself either"

I believe there's no parents that fully understand their kids, in Yoongi's case (because of the depression), it might be worse. Or maybe in somebody else's life too.

Our parents is also a human, they are not God or psychic. No one ever educate them to be a GOOD PARENTS. And so is my parents. I could say that they don't know me. I've lived for almost 20 years now and sometimes I still think that I don't understand myself. So this is one of a reason why I study psychology, I wanna know myself better.

But still,

"nobody knows me well"

as well as I know me.

[Bridge]
The doctor asks me if I've (censored)
I answered without any hesitation that I have
The song is too harsh that they even censored it lol. Most theories say the actual question of the doctor to Yoongi is "Have you ever tried to kill yourself?" I don't know, I repeat, I DON'T KNOW what was the real question. It's just a THEORY fans made.

Suicide.

For everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, please DON'T DO THIS.

Please learn about yourself more, there's so much differences between sadness and depression. Don't let it fool you. I understand mental issues can be a very heavy weight on your shoulder, sometimes when every horrible feeling that exists in the world is all mixed up in our chest, it can be hard even to breathe. But NEVER LET IT WIN YOU. Please look for someone to talk to, look for a place that'll calm your heart, or do something that'll warm your soul. Or dial a suicide hotline, there's always a suicide hotline ready to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You're not alone, just please hang in there.

I'd be gladly to be a friend to share, you can reach me by everything (especially if you're my family or my friends).

I have once thought to do a suicide too, but I never do it, I try to remember how long I've been fighting for my own life, to claiming myself. I don't want the devil inside me winning over me.

But this thought about killing myself, leaving the world behind, I made it a beautiful transitions of myself. The new me, the better me.

[Hook 1]
Habitual saying uh
I don’t give a shit I don’t give a fuck
All those words uh
Those words are said to hide my weak self
Those days I wish I could erase
Right, that performance day
Which I don’t remember very well
The day I confronted myself
When I hid inside the bathroom
Because I was scared of people

The transitions not stopped there, to claim myself. I need to fight over all my weakness.

"The day I confronted myself"

Nice one, Yoongi.

"Because I was scared of people"

I was once scared of people, I'm not that easy going type y'know. I am an introvert. But I try to embrace myself.

[Verse 4]
That time I, that time I
I thought success would make everything fine
But you see, but you see
As time goes by, I feel like I’m turning into a monster

[Verse 5]
I’ve exchanged my youth for success
And that monster demands for more wealth
At times it puts a collar on my neck
To ruin and swallow me with greed
Some try to shut my mouth and say
I should swallow both good and evil
I don’t want it
They want me to leave this hill

[Verse 6]
Shit shit I got it so stop it
I’m the root of all this so I’ll stop myself
If my misfortune is your happiness
I’ll happily stay unfortunate
If I’m the figure of hate
I’ll get on the guillotine

I think this part hurts me the most. When you think what you do is a right way but it's unconsiously eating you up. Yoongi said he exchanged his youth for success, and he really did. But somehow it never stopped, it grounded him.

"I'm the root of all this so I'll stop myself"

Thank God he realized it.

"If my misfortune is your happiness, I'll happily stay unfortunate"

There my savage man who doesn't live to please anyone. Well, me too.

[Verse 7]
The things I’ve only imagined turns into reality
My childhood dreams are in front of my eyes
The night when I performed in front of an audience of 2
Now Tokyo Dome is right in front my nose
My one and only life
I can easily live it passionately than any other
My fan my hommie my fam
I hope you don’t worry
Because I’m really okay now damn

[Verse 8]
I’ve denied my nature many times
My address is idol and I won’t deny
The anguish that dug into my mind countless times
There’s no answer at the end of wandering

[Verse 9]
My pride which I thought I had given away
Has turned into self-respect
My fans, keep your head high with pride
Because who can do it like me uh

I think Yoongi is trying to tell us he was once deny the fact that he quit being an underground rapper and now an idol. I also heard there's people mocks him of what he chose.

But now he accepted it, he's (hopefully) happy with it. Being a part of BTS and makes a great music. He also said that now he had self-respect (which what everyone should have, by the way).

[Hook]
Seiko, Rolex, AX hall and gymnastic stadium
The heads of thousands nodding to my hand gesture
Show me the money
It’s not that I couldn’t but I didn’t shit

Fyi, Show Me The Money is the famous rap competition in South Korea.

[Verse 10]
Selling ourselves or not
You all say we couldn’t do it but we didn’t shit
The root of my creativity has tasted
The sweet, bitter, and shit of this world
Those days when I tried to sleep on the toilet floor
It’s all memories now uh they’re now memories
My shoulder which shattered
Thanks to the accident I met

During my part time job

The debut which I clung as if it was my life

Who do you think you're fooling

By pretending you've gone through all the miseries

[Hook]
Seiko, Rolex, AX hall and gymnastic stadium
The heads of thousands nodding to my hand gesture
Sorrow created me uh look at me closely uh
Selling ourselves or not you all say
It's not that we couldn’t do it
But that we didn’t want to, shit

In the last parts of this song I think Yoongi tried to tell us that now he made it. He's winning over the devil inside him.

"The root of my creativity has tasted the sweet, bitter, and shit of this world"

I like this part. So this is why all his musics are so f good lol.

DONE.

Wow. To write this I was listening to the song for like two hours so I'd get the vibes from it. And now I have a headache lol kidding.

This is amazing. This is what I want to share since long ago.

With this, I hope I can change a mindset about "Mental Issues", "Suicide", or even "Depression" so there'll be no one stigmatized those things anymore. Remember, IT'S IMPORTANT.

Yoongi nicely told us about self-respect (in his own way, ofcourse).

Look at him now, he even got an award as Best K-Pop Idol Producer!!

마지막 (The Last) is sorrowful yet so beautiful.

You should listen to his other songs, it'll be a long and deep journey.

Please take care of yourself, and don't forget to always spread love.

Thankyou for reading.